Boo

It's so hard everything is so hard

Either you help yourself or no one will help you at all. 

Threading on thin ice but I'm sure it will get me somewhere 

Faith faith, bring me far away 

Bloom

420AM in bed fighting the hunger pangs 

Slow yet steady air blowing out from the only working machine in this cold dark space makes the best resting environment ever, and now you question why I'm not asleep

Tonight is one of those nights where I feel so much more about everything than usual 

You know somedays I really just wna get access to this online diary and delete everything that appears before my eyes bcuz so what if I pen them down 

It doesn't guarantee no shit

But then again after all has come into place, it feels nice to look back once in awhile and know what years in my life were wasted on (happy or sad it doesn't matter)

To that I have no doubts about this horrible indecisiveness living in me

That aside, some things which should have gotten into my head since forever is finally in 

I no longer find myself wanting to please just anyone else anymore. It's not about compromising and conforming to things when I don't get my way, rather it is about time I start to care for myself like I do for others 

No doubts to say everything works two ways. The phone, people, and even the traffic. So why should we feel miserable just so the other party could feel otherwise? Gaining joy out of misery is just sick in the mind 

It has to come to a point in life where people get tired of doing things they do not like, and I guess this new phase in life is just as hard to pull through as whatever frontiers we were made to conquer 

To better days ahead they say 

Fuck u

So blind when it comes to loving people

I have made the wrong choice yet again but whatever that has happened doesn't bring me down anymore

Saying I am used to it isn't right so ill just say that some people are not worth your time 

To hell they go. I will do better alone than with one who makes me feel like I don't matter all the fucking time 

Go away. I can exist on my own. 

To hell

Why am I always fucking living for someone else 

Why am I always affected by people who are supposed to mean nothing but shit to me

What is wrong with my damned life 

Screw all of you

Breathe

Wanted to just jot things down on a notebook like i would usually do but unfortunately i've ran out of one so here i am today

I don't know what made me decide that sharing my personal life on public space doesn't seem that appealing anymore. The moment i write about how happy i am, the next i find myself trapped in four walls of grief

Tbh i am not a rash person, but when i know of a minor detail of something that can affect me and everything else after that, all i want to do is to dig out the truth and the core of that issue. All that suspense and uncertainty i just can't deal with

Thankful however that i got to say whatever i felt like i needed to, and even more thankful to have ears backing up my tears. I just wish people would always listen before making a stand point on whatever issues they face in life

Right now i am so afraid of losing everything i have in my life. The number of people whom have walked out on me in the past just makes me feel like i am of no worth to be loved at all

Fear? Or love you say

Keeping my fingers crossed that whatever is forthcoming will go smoothly and even better than planned. I cannot afford to keep loving one now and losing everything then

I get tired too......

And always remember that you do not give up on the people you love, whatever it may be

Pitter platter

I've just been feeling very chirpy lately and I really liked it

Oh and guess who's coming back from Japan tonight!!!!! 6 days away from you I'm surprised I'm not dead yet hahaha

Can't wait for later;)

To a better now

Couldn't sleep that very night so I dragged mom up to talk to her about whatever that was on my mind 

And I am more than surprised and happy to hear that she's so supportive over this issue it actually makes me feel like I shouldn't have said the things I did, so on the very next day I made a change. Nothing feels better than getting things off my chest. 

Started my Friday happy and ended it even happier. 

I guess all that you seek in life comes as planned. The more you don't ask for, the more you deserve it. Lets all welcome this brand new phase in life with open arms 

Lots of love

Tonight is a confession night.

I feel I haven't been rly honest about myself and everything else ever since the start of the year. I've been living in denial for months and I guess the time to man up is now 

No I will not deny how upset I've been for a long time after whatever happened. But I got better. I just didn't rly wanna accept the fact that I am better. I drowned myself in self pity thinking that getting over whatever and moving forward is not possible. But I've already moved far beyond that 

And I did for a more than anyone else realized 

I found out that I can be good on my own too. But then again, I am never really on my own. Great mates here and there and of course, guys who wanted to go after me the past months. 

And I think I have to emphasize that the more they try to act all big shot and control me in whatever I do when they are of no status just makes me cringe. Honestly just shoo. Who are you anyway 

Bcuz of that I shun away from many of them. And I don't feel bad at all bcuz well, first I don't like you, second you are not my bf, and third who do you think you are to get jealous over whoever I talk to 

Go away eew

And then this person came along. All nice and sincere and everything. 

I wanted to do this post bcuz prior to it, tonight I got confessed to. 

To be my doctor when I'm ill. To be my hands to hold when I feel scared. To be everything I need in my life to feel more complete than everybody else

On top of that comes a hand written card. And a box of flowers made with tape. So much sincerity and love, time and affection. 

But I still let people down. I am such an awful person. 

I feel bad. But I know honesty will always remain the best policy. 

And then again, whoever loves you will not give up on you, ever 

I am upset with myself bcuz I bring upon sadness to another. But I know we will all be fine and even better. 

We will go far. Maybe just not now